Look, it has to be done. I've just watched one of the most hysterical half hours of television ever thanks to EastEnders which included all the traditional soap stalwarts of hysteria, insanity, tears, blood and scalpels (for more on the madness, I recommend a visit to Ms Baroque).
In snarky thanks, therefore, I present the Easties Awards 2007. If you wish you can have your say by leaving your nominations for the following categories in the comments box.
Category #1: Silliest Brookside-esque Storyline (I fear there may be a clear winner for this one)
Category #2: The Phil Daniels Award for Shoddy Acting
Category #3: The Mince and Gary Award for Inane Comic Relief Storyline
Category #4: The "Hang On, This Totally Doesn't Make Sense" Award
Category #5: The Award for Excellent Villainry
Category #6: The "Ew!" Award for Unnecessary Mental/Actual Images
Category #7: The "Shut up, Chelsea" Award for Most Annoying Early-20s Character
Category #8: The Asif and Martin Award for Zany Moneymaking Schemes
I think that's probably enough to be getting on with. Expect a glittering awards ceremony, with free Churchills and catering by Beale, soon enough.
And if youo wish to comment about me having no life, I KNOW. You don't need to tell me.
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Slicing up life with a serrated blade
About Me
- Miss Hacksaw
- Miss Hacksaw lives in Hackney. Where television goes, she will follow. She used to follow hummus and Red Stripe, but now can't stand one and can't have the other. Bah.
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13 comments:
Category 6 has got to be Fat and Prank, or should I say Pat and Frank. I'm thinking revolving bow-tie on the door-step...
Either that or Pat's 'Fur Coat and No Knickers' escapades with Patrick. And the Pat/Patrick doughnut hoopla. Ugh.
Ooh, and category 8 can be Ian Beale and Kelvin Carpenter and their knitting machine. Who remembers Kelvin's mum coming into the room, and asking "Whatchoo doing, Kelvin? Knitting?
Wasn't it pineapple rings?
Ha! I don't remember the knitting circle japes, but am presuming this was in the days where Beale was in that band with Sharon. Fantastic.
Yeah, they had a knitting business for a while. Kathy took it over.
I also wonder whether there shouldn't be an award category for best piece of life advice. Can think of a few contenders.
1:
a) Max and Stacey (or that could go in 6).
b) Dawn and Unattractive Rob
c) or maybe with that awful "Is Squiggle going to be killed by her psychopathic dad whom we'd never heard of till the other week" thing last year
2: I have to choose? Give it to Babs!
3: Gus' campaign to save Wellard - that was ages ago but it was fun. I love Minty. Currently I'm loving the Peggy's Water Gun one.
4, I never got my head around why Bradders dumped Stacey in the first place...
5 should go to Den Watts that time he stitched Phil up for armed robbery. Masterful! Remember him standing on that roof, tossing the gun in through the skylight? Ah, those were the days.
6, definitely Pat and Patrick. Or maybe Big Mo and whatsit.
7 could, franky, go to Carly Wicks. Or the Totally Boring Li.
8, I think a commendation should go to young Darren for his webcam scams.
Wait! Number 1! Ian Beale pretending Dawn was his wife, so he could impress those middle class charity swingers! Remember? The whole tiring baby storyline originated in that.
By the way:
most tiresome storyline EVER:
a) Pauline
b) Sonia, Martin and that child who can't act*
c) Janine, Barry and Paul! Remember?? It was physically painful!
Classic moments we'd hate to have missed:
a) Kevin Wicks in Dungeness
b) Kat & Alfie's wedding
c) Grant and Phil came back
best thing ever:
a) Dot
b) hmm... Dot
c) ?
* Rebecca. She gets the prize for non-acting HANDS DOWN!
This is getting fun. Thanks for your nominations, and I shall be adding the new categories as well (named after you both respectively, but not in a pisstaking way as seen with the others). I see a great deal of thought has gone into this - I applaud you both. Dandelion - in terms of 'life advice' - there's only one man who'll win that and it's Alan Jackson. The actual 'advice' will remain a mystery until awards night.
I can't believe the most comments I've ever had on my blog is a result of unofficial EastEnders awards.
Can't wait to hear about Alan Jackson. But I have a couple, one in particular from Julie the hairdresser who Michelle used to live with. I feel sure it will beat anything Alan J came out with. How will we know who wins on merit, unless we know what the advice in question actually was?
It's obvious, but number 5 has to be Nick Cotton. Or possibly Trevor.
And number 7 - Zoe Slater? Or Sam (either one).
And number 8 and/or 6 could be when Big Mo was being a phone sex-line girl. No, no, number 8 has to be when Lofty was going to be a broken-arm-o-gram person. Or was it a stripper? And oh, god, who remembers Mary the Punk?
And Number 2 has got to be Laura Beale. Was she abominable or what?
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