Saturday, November 04, 2006

Now then, now then

"Dear Jim'll,

Please can you fix it for me to have a Dalmation. My favourite book is 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith, and I really want a Dalmation. Mum says I can't so I'm writing to you.

Thank you

Miss Hacksaw aged seven from Surrey."

So I wrote twenty years ago. I like the way I presumed that even though Mum had in no uncertain terms told me there would be no furry friend joining the household; if Jim wanted me to have a Dalmation then I'd damn well get one. Strangely, this letter went unanswered - as did my brother's : "Dear Jim'll please can I meet the Ghostbusters Egon is my favourite thanks". I fear Mum may have sabotaged our dog/ghostbusting dreams via some cunning lies regarding whether or not these letters were actually posted.

Anyway, break out the champagne and ring those church bells, for it is true: Jim'll Fix It is coming back on TV. Excellent! I was somewhat concerned that it is still going to be hosted by Jim'll Savile himself though. Seriously, how old is this dude now? My dad sat in the same carriage as him on a train years ago and said he was covertly brushing up on CPR techniques in case Jim'll keeled over.

I am pleased that Jim'll Fix It: The New Class will be not only featuring new fix-its, but also harking back to the proper old-skool glory dayz of Jim'll. I know we'll all have to sit through the damn cub scouts again; but I've been researching old fix its and would kill to watch some of them. For example, from TV Cream:

"A child wrote in requesting, 'Can I please polish a python,' so with the aid of some 'python polish', (concocted by the Fix It team) a cloth and a duster, the child polished a python in the studios."

What the hell? And I thought I was a weird kid. I can just imagine it: "Now then now then! Have you polished yer python?" (muffled sniggers from adults in audience).

"Yes Jim'll."

"Excellent. Let's have a look then. Oooh, you have got a nice shine on him. Here's yer very special Jim Fixed It For Me medal."

"Get the cigar out of my face, Jim'll."

"Right you are then lad."

I can't wait to see what sort of bizarre requests today's kids come out with. "Dear Jim'll, please can you fix it for me for Hackney Council to withdraw my ASBO." "Dear Jim'll, please can you fix it for me to design a ringtone guaranteed to send everyone who hears it completely batshit crazy and go rampaging down Upper Street with an axe."

I'm thinking about writing in myself, but in the event of my dream being 'fixed', I am unsure that the results of the letter that starts "Dear Jim'll, please can you you fix it for me to have lots of hot sex with Kiefer Sutherland" would be suitable for family viewing.

What would you like to have fixed? Best suggestion gets a homemade Jim'll badge from me. My brother has kindly started off proceedings by asking Jim'll to fix it for him to gob in Amy Winehouse's face. He's moved on a bit from Ghostbusting, then.


Dave Hill said...

I'd like Jim to fix it for me to make a lot of money out of leaving comments on others people's blogs when I ought to be, er, making money.

Dave Hill said...

P.S. Toptastic!


That's so pants said...

Dear Jim'll please can you fix the X Factor. I have put money on Robert to win.